Do you keep old emails, letters, notes, cards?
I have this fire-proof keepsake box and several places online where I store notes gifted to me by friends and lovers. I cherish every word, comma and periods. Sometimes, I am going through certain issues and feel the need to revisit these past exchanges. Often, I find a new lesson, some tidbit I couldn’t understand or maybe that I needed for that moment.
One of my most cherished are card from G. Imagine that! In this day and age, someone travels abroad, takes the time to send lil olde me a souvenir. Just fabulous!
Another one is a letter from a guy I was logically into. What does that mean? Well, it wasn’t about lust or love. The logistics were right: divorced, one child, doesn’t want any more kids, owned a home, loved cars, shared taste in music, poetry, wrote poetry, smart, respectful and had an excellent job. It didn’t hurt that he was six feet five, could lift me up two flights of stairs either. It was all logic. We were perfect on paper. And in person, he was even more lovely. He was one of the sweetest, kindest, most accepting being I had ever had the pleasure of dating. He sang beautifully too.
And we broke up. He wasn’t like the others where we just strayed away from each other without a word. They would disappear or I would stop answering their calls. No. This man was different. He was a man who knew what he wanted which I loved. Just as well, he knew what he didn’t want. His last letter to me was very specific, and ended with “I’m not the man for you.”
Every time I read it, I admire him even more. I hold him in high regards. I do, because I don’t know many men who are decisive, who know how to say goodbye and mean it. Needless to say that this man did not break my heart. I don’t hate or resent him. He spoke to my analytical side. He was just like me, a person of intentions.
I don’t play with people’s emotions. I don’t, as I believe those who do deserve death. Those who play with others’ emotions are the worst beings on earth, causing psychological damage so far-reaching, it pains to witness. In any case, I always know what I want, from whom, how and why? When people choose me or not, and have the decency to tell me so, that is a gift I treasure.
Why, oh why then do people who presume to know me insist on calling or texting me when I say I’m done? I don’t lie nor do I stutter! When I walk away from people, I do so after investing my time in our relationship. I find it beyond insulting, disrespectful when people with whom I had multiple discussions with about their behavior, how it impacted our relationship would suddenly, once they realized I am really done, have time to invest in me, in our relationship that they neglected for years!!!! It doesn’t flatter me. Heck! I feel like I wasted my time with a child who has no clue what his life was about, who had yet to define himself. Jeez!!!
What pisses me off the most is the fact that they come across as dogs like many refer to them. Men are not dogs. Stop running after bone. You’re a man, a thinking being, when something matters you’ll find time, make time and come correct. Why on earth do most men love to struggle and work hard for a woman after she’s walked away from you?!! Why? Is it really all about that chase, the ego, trying to get over, proving you can and always win?
So for years you were busy, had no time, promised to change, confirmed your behavior was painful, accepted the fact it wasn’t helping in strengthening the bond and now, my bags are packed, my phone number has changed. I am not answering your calls, emails or texts you are finally ready to make good, to do good, to spend more time together, to be sweet, to listen more, to be more giving, to remember what is important to me!!!
Do men see everything as a game? I’m not a yo-yo. I hear many women play hide and seek and you guys love that, always the hunter,trying to lay catch. I’m not one of them. I don’t play games. I don’t make decisions and take things back, when I am done, I am done, really truly done. It means I gave you more time in my life that I will NEVER get back, time that you were too inconsiderate to take into account. And there isn’t anything I this world that would make me change my mind.
With me, you get only one chance. One person got one too many and proved that do-overs don’t work. You’re either all in from the get, stick it out or go. And when I go,if you really love me, let me go. You may know what you wanted or how important I was, but by the time you figured it out, you had chipped away every caring, patient feeling in every fiber of my being. It isn’t as if you lost me unexpectedly. You lost me piece by piece, each time my cries and discussions went unheard, until there was nothing I. Me left for you to walk all over. When you all aren’t ready for a committed relationship, stop wasting people’s time!!!
Done is done.