Why not me?


Why me?

Why me Lord? Man! I used to ask that question years ago. Why me? Why do I have to suffer, struggle and fight this much to achieve shit when others got it like that?

I was talking to someone who said everything he owned some girlfriend bought for him. Dude has it like that. He’s sleeping every night next to his partner and women despite knowing that fact keep sending him money. Not me though! Haven’t met anyone who offered to buy me a bedroom set, a car, a living room or cover my bills. Women though! Man do we love to give folks our monies!!! Some people just do and worse they look down on people who keep giving to them while developing a sense of self importance beyond measure. Women tend to give just because we care however, having nothing to do with the person of themselves ironically enough. Our emotions blind us. Phhht!

But then again I dislike depending on people. I’ll never be the one to ask anyone, not even family to buy me anything or give me anything. My pride won’t let me. Compassion forbids me as well. I’m of the mind we all work for our money and no one gives you anything they didn’t struggle for unless of course they have blue blood kind of money. So why would I, not being in any committed type of relationship with you, ask you for anything, anything at all? I don’t wish to get paid for my sex or my love. That’s prostituting myself.

And if by God, I am at my lowest and you’d give me something I’d feel like a failure. And maybe this is why the universe doesn’t send me these kind of people who would drop money like that as if my pussy is the sweetest candy they’ve ever tasted and deserve their hard earned dollars.

So I’ve stopped asking why me! It just is. It is what it isn’t.

So why not me?

Do bad things or should bad things occur to others and not me? Even though I swear they seem to love residing at my doorstep. Yeah! Shit happens and it’s happening to me. Again. I’ll not ask why me even though I wish not for it to be me nor wish it on others. I lied maybe on the really bad people, the users and all. Yes! I’ve got issues indeed. So I’ll keep busy, threading waters, keeping my head up, respecting myself, ¬†others, their hard earned dollars!