Enduring: Life!


img_4831Life is passing me by. As I go through the profiles on my social media, I see how time etched itself on those I read and interact with ever so often. One I followed for six years has a thriving career, (How I recall her college pics with friends during spring break!!!). She has a baby as well and moved in with the fifth man I had seen her post up over the years.

Another one whose son’s pictures I have liked since the day she said she was expectiing, shby showing her bursting tummy and yet another already celebrating a sixth year wedding anniversary. Each has changed steadily before my “liking” fingers.
Yet I’m still here, a nowhere land of duty wrapped in purpose. Enduring! I dislike that my life, if that is a life, is about enduring. And I don’t know how to change it. That’s the sad part. Am I asking too much out of life? Is this all there is? Have I reached the peak of what I needed to experience? Is this it?

I often say to my friends how I live to live through them, their stories. And it’s true. Each of those I read every day stamps my time here. And suddenly I don’t feel as lifeless.

Sometimes, I feel like the man in that story who had the bed next to the window who used to tell the next guy who was comatose near the doorway how wonderful the world out there is. That man created a beautiful garden to share with his roommate though he was blind.

I’m blind to the hoopla people call life. I look forward to my daughters’ coming home from school, bursting with energy about their day, their friends, what happened, their concerns, sprinkles of living. As I listen to their stories, I mull them over in my mind. It is reassuring, maybe that there is something about life I guess. Even if I don’t see it, can’t feel it, or have forgotten what that’s like.

Or maybe they’re the man next to the window and I’m the comatose roommate by the door. Their stories are all made up, in their minds, gifts they too give to themselves. And they can’t see how life really isn’t worth much and they need to make it, build it, create it so it can appear more than it truly is!!

 

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