Wondering where my strength comes from for I know within me rests a soul tired of drowning as it strives to survive. To endure requires a strength beyond the capacity of this soul of mine.
One refrain: “Oh God! I’m so tired!” Commitment demands sacrifice and sacrifice is the sum of numerous concessions made against oneself, for greater. For better. The ultimate. It’s placing one value above another which we do often enough and at cost.
And the will trying to sustain itself needs to draw from somewhere that can withstand the slants and the bending it handles. The toughest thing to control is self no matter how much one pretends to want the best for oneself, hardly do we have ve fully conquer ourselves.
And because I feel so weak I call on God with every breath that I take. When others call me strong, they ascertain God keeps coming through for me. I really don’t have it within me.
We want what we want. We expect cause and effect to work as it should. If we build it, it will come. And we go through the process. We plan and build and build to rise, then sustain. When the rules are broken which life loves to do, it’s hard to accept that things don’t often work out as they should. After all we want the best for ourselves and have defined certain things as the best so why would the universe unfold her skirt to sit, cross legged on the object of our yearning then step on the brick and mortar we have painstakingly put together crushing it into grainy dust for the wind to dance with!
A cheerleader should I have by my side as Omi lauds about. None is nigh. It’s circumstance once again or maybe it’s me. One must be open to relations for cheers to occur. I did once upon an almost regret but people abuse the proximity. People are more open to withdrawal than deposits. But it’s me, I’m tired, though I wasn’t before. Enough give without release will leave you dry and staunted. You can not draw strength or happiness from anyone. People come and people go, that’s just the way it is. Look at life, how many people have come and gone along the way? Ah! Fair weather friends!
It took me years to accept that strength is built on confronting the present, of living every single moment, fully, not rejecting all that it brings: emotions, thoughts, drain or energy.
The more you fight against what is, the more tired you’ll get. But when you sit right where you are, take in everything to its last particle you’ll be able to face anything. That’s what it means to be, strong!
Don’t fight! Stop saying I don’t want this, it should be this way. You’re only arguing against the inevitable. Say: “Oh my! This is tough, I would not want and did not wish for this but since it’s happened, where’s the round-about?.”
God give me strength to endure really means, help me face what I don’t consider to be good or kind or fair. Controlling your thoughts will allow you more yield over your situation. Self control is ultimate strength.
It’s hard I tell you.
That’s how I managed to dry my tears, stopped allowing anger to weaken me, my will, and take away my power.
The sun shines every day. You may not see it, doesn’t meant it’s not. Troubles come and they go, they may not be occurring in your life but no one is ever free until you allow the light of the moment to strengthen you, enlighten you.
May your Sunday be!!!!