Don’t ask if I’m okay!
Not now! Not yet!
Asking me if I’m okay when I’ve lost what I’ve worked for, or someone dear to me or received a poor medical diagnosis does nothing for me. Don’t ask if I’m okay! What do you expect the response to be? “Oh yes! I’m splendid! Everything is falling apart or around me but I’m awesome.”
I think people ask this as a reflex so you can give them a response where they won’t have to be invested in what you’re going through. Asking if someone is okay when they’re experiencing a loss gives a semblance of concern when really, you’re shrouding politeness with unnecessary verbiage. It’s more honest to not say anything at all, express shock possibly or if you can spare some real emotion, sadness.
I know how I feel when I hear this question. “Are you okay,” when facing a loss! It feels insincere. Someone who cares will feel sorry for you and express that, they will share your pain by offering any type of comfort they can in your time of grief. And grieving you are when you lose something or someone dear to you that will cause a drastic shift in your plans and create a gaping hole in your life. First comes the shock, followed by fear, possibly anger, then grief.
Grief demands you tend to it. That’s why in years gone people will bring casseroles upon hearing of someone’s passing. Concern which stems from caring comes with actions, not questions.
You don’t need to know what happened or how, what’s next or how the other is feeling right at that moment. All you need to do is care. Come up with a plan, ways you can be there for the other, offer a hand, a shoulder, an escape, assistance.
Save the quasi feelings and do!
Caring has a mind, hands, feet, shoulders, arms, ears, strength I reckon!
There’s always something one can do to prove you’re really concerned and care.