Love and commitment


True love.

It will be 25 years this year since they’ve been married. That would be my ex and his wife, the lady he was going steady with while he had me in his bed all the while. It’s funny how many men can love one woman, definitely in his mind believe he is committed and loyal to her as he is in a relationship sleeping with another or others. It’s a strange ability being able to compartmentalize emotions and status. It is an odd language that many women are unable to translate. Twenty five years he says, even invites me to the renewal of his vows. Oddly he seems to forget, it also makes it 25 years since he called me the night after he got married to inform me he had gotten married the day before, which was the next day after we had slept together.

He is not my enemy. We still talk from time to time. I’m odd I guess. I’ve forgiven but not forgotten though he tends to behave as if it never happened. Men and the odd things they do! When you never mattered, you didn’t exist at all.

Is it love that one will stay married for so long? Of late we all enjoy seeing couples who are still together decades later. I get tickled that my sister is going on her 30th year with the same man since she was 16. And I love that, their history. But is it love? We don’t think much about the “in-between”, the going ons, just the fact the couple’s made it this far or farther to their retirement years or death. Was it love? If stick-to-it-ness means love, is that all it takes to feel loved? We all seek love, that true love where we look upon another and feel our heart aching, at times filled with joy then fear at losing that someone. Yet, we don’t all define love the same way at all.

He asked me if I’d be in town for the event and I said I wasn’t sure as I’m not working presently. He replied “don’t worry I got you.” At that moment I recalled that this man loved me and still does. He hurt me deeply. I felt devalued, disrespected. I forgave him. He stayed with her. We still talk. He loved me. So what is love to me you’d say if loyalty and faithfulness were lacking yet believe he loves me? Care. He cared enough to take care of me. That’s love to me. Love is someone who wishes to take care of me, erase my worries, protect me physically and care about the way I feel. We were so young then, learning what love was, what we wanted, what mattered. Yeah! To love me is to protect, provide, cherish, spend time with me willingly, joyfully ’till the end of time.

If love doesn’t last is it still love? But love lasts, relationships may not but love, true love lasts. Love does no harm and if per chance it does, we tend to be selfish, unmindful beings after-all. But when it does, love is remorseful, of its misdeeds, unplanned and hurtful as they can bel.

As he prepares to celebrate stick-to-it-ness I am a little wistful I’m too much of a romantic I guess. It could have been us though we never were.