Happiness my ass!


 

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Some folks see me as negative when I say I can’t be happy when I’m broke, or hit at peace or more so when I’m in a place I feel safe or everything is working towards me achieving and being successful? Why is that? When bombs, tornadoes and hurricanes come through is it happiness you’re feeling? Do tell!

Should we not want more out of life? When has it been bad for anyone to want more of anything that will make them feel good, successful, at peace, joyful? Isn’t that why we strive to be better in sports, in our relationships, as human beings and to seek completion in whatever we start with? So why do we fake the funk, push the idea of happiness as a state we can maintain despite lack? What is happiness exactly? Google and Webster can tell us. However, how we define happiness comes from what we aspire to, a state of being no one can define for us. What some call happiness, I refer to as acceptance, contentment. And what I refer to as happiness they believe is how they live everyday when they tell themselves they decide to be happy. Happiness like love isn’t something we decide to do. It’s a combination of wants, chemistry, summed in the unexplainable.

When I was married and my husband would be at the door, I would jump and rush to the door. I would be so happy to see him. There was this dance I used to do and a song “girls, daddy’s hoooome”. On and on I would go, so glad he came home to be with us. I would go on about my day and sit on his lap until he begged to go shower or eat. He said he noted things were off between us when I stopped doing that. Happiness is genuine. It borders on elation, a sensation no one can maintain for too long a period. It isn’t I wasn’t happy the other days, I was joyful being there in the midst of the ups and downs. Joy is a constant, it is saying “shit could be worse, I will do with I have”. To be joyful is to accept your sort and smile through it all. Happiness though is a gift, it truly is. No one can be happy all the time. Come on! It irritates me to hear how many think about happiness. Aaaaargh. Like addicts they seek it every day, a burst, a hit. That’s why they preach it at every corner when what they’re selling is a lie.

There are degrees to this thing, first is acceptance, then comes joy, favored at time with happiness and if lucky enough, a few times in our lives we will know elation, ecstasy, the ultimate of all positive sensation.

We are different beings, thus the different views, philosophy and understanding. We enjoy being unique but find it difficult accepting differences in others. Well, I seek to. I’m fascinated by differences. Yet despite that fact I must admit some of our differences can be quite irritating and upsetting when we try to shove them down other people’s throats, That’s what I appreciate about the biblical God! A God who bestowed the gift of will so he can be chosen, picked amongst all, selected. That’s why we have willpower. Hmmm the thought just occurred to me, how do proponents of evolution explain “willpower, personality, differences.” We never stop learning do we?

PS: if you’re one of those happiness is of your own doing people, please save me the lecture. My eyes can’t roll anymore. 🤣

 

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The progeny!


 

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Last night sent me back to my years in school, a smart child who was only happy when all her grades were perfect and rated top in her class. My daughter made me so proud when her name was called as top scholar of her class of 535 students. I was beaming. Success! I had a taste of success as if it were my own. I jumped of joy, elated in her achievements. It is the kind of moment parents live for. Then I sat down to give my kids a bit about parenting and expectations. Yeah! I can get real and dirty like that.

I often tell them they did not come with a manual. What I believe most parents wish for their kids is success in life. Success that translates into being better than your parents were or are, We want the best for you and if we are up there on the ladder of what society calls successful we want you to surpass that rung. It’s not a tall task because we know we did it and so can you. After all a child is all that’s better in us, from us and he has is on his side, a parent always ready to promote him. We seek for you to build from our blocks, learn from our past, hear the lessons so you can harness it all then take off. Maybe it’s my version of parenting. Some parents may not feel this way but I haven’t met many.

When a child doesn’t surpass us we fall into acceptance, the speech of happiness. Happiness is what matters we say. Happiness doesn’t bring elation to parents, it’s a cushion for disappointment. Parents feel disappointed when their expectations aren’t met. Those expectations: all that is good, all we value as good that proves you’re the higher, better version of what we wanted for ourselves, what we dreamt about and more.

When that doesn’t come to fruition, we ask you: “are you happy?” And if you say you’re happy, most of us may leave it at that and accept it’s your life, you are not a better part of us. You are you. There’s a lingering sadness to this, a sense of failure and disappointment you probably don’t care to learn about, won’t comprehend or accept and probably may be angered by. It doesn’t mean we don’t love you. We are burying a part of us we believe is in you. We are suffering loss; loss of self, unfilled expectations and are bound to be sad. We know being you, starting off on your own and not building from what we are glad to offer you will bring you sadness and suffering. Starting from scratch always does. It may make you proud and feel like a string individual, but it will be difficult. No decent parent ever wants to see their child suffer even from the life they chose for themselves, they admit makes them happy.