Break-up to make-up again and again


 

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INTJ here or inhuman, lacking emotion.

What’s at the root of differences, differing opinions? I can’t tell but they are vacuous and rampant.

Public displays of affection so prominent leave me askance, more when it comes to term. Despite my appreciation of love publicly claimed and I mean a deep appreciation of such, there’s a caveat. I hold the players responsible for the aftermath. It usually comes to roost.

Tell me nowadays how many people stay together till death and do so happily? Not many! Maybe that’s why I admire love, lovers, how they do, those who can show love, proudly, publicly, unashamed in the vitriol. It is not that there is anything to be ashamed about. They take pleasure in the other so much so they don’t mind letting the world know about it, it’s a beautiful thing.

There are some who are not as bold, they give hints that someone has touched them, that they’re loved and loving. They put out little notes, pictures taken lovingly, with a toe here or a finger there of the beloved, unsure whether to even hint they’re happy and loving or happily loved and they like it. Those are the cautious ones, the ones who realize how precious and precarious a state love is of late. Yet they can’t hide it and bask so subltly as only love you enjoy does. Love is a light. You can’t hold it down or ย cover it up. It leaks through everything ou come in contact with.

It’s like being on x. The thrill spills, unabashed.

And then there’s the kind of love, so deeply felt as some think that the lovers seem not to be able to part ways yet can’t seem to stick together for too long either. A wave and they fade away. A burn and they melt. They’re inconsistently loving and call it passion, Breaks occur ever so often once or more a year. This goes on and on and on, sometimes for decades. They’re addicted to each other they say, but what others see is an addiction to trouble and pain, a lack of growth and maturity, as well as lack of ownership of self, of time. Uhm, maybe not others, just me.

What the fuck is this all about? You’re over 30 (the beginning stage of grow the fuck up in my world, aka my head) and you waste years breaking up and making up over the same stupid shit or different little pieces of karkar!!! What are you getting out of this push and pull besides drama and trauma?!

I digress! My apologies dear friend (Mr, Robot, hint hint. If you know this I think I love you for the nerd you are, a piece of me.)!

Those lovers, so addicted to the chaos of each other, unwilling to let go, move the fuck on, will spend days on end sending hints about love lasting forever (psychopathy) and missing you subtleties…then one day one of them starts to date someone else (sexual needs demand it). How in the world can the other trust your love now? Here you were for years on social media, and to anyone you knew wallowing in longing so deep over someone you could never last long with like a yoyo and now you want us to believe this one is true or has a chance with you, that you’re able to rehabilitate?

Issues! (Love that song by the way). I got them aplenty. So here goes, when a man has spent years crying over pathological love and comes after me, I can’t trust you. Claiming someone as your love publicly means the world to me, especially coming from men, creatures with wandering lusts. For a man in my view to claim you in pictures and words is the ultimate connectedness and attachment. So no, unless that chick is ๐Ÿ’€ I know you’ll not be loving me better or as deeply and that chica will always have a hold on you and you may have not matured sufficiently to make her take several seats if we ever cross paths with her and she will know she had and will always have you like that, whooped and tied to her tatas and nanny. No other woman should have that much power over my man but me.

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Maybe this title should be “1 millionth reason why I’m still single.” Weirdo! That’s me! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜

๐Ÿคข

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On humanity and people gazing


 

IMG_4972At the root of all cruelty (violence, wars, abuses, crimes): humanity. It owes not faith, or loyalty to anything or anyone but self. . Humanity knows no boundaries than those erected by circumstance. Me!

Religion is not the root of evil, humans are. Let’s erase humans!

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I enjoy watching people, how they behave, what they say. I do, because they’re fodder for my thoughts. I analyze people more than they probably spend time analyzing themselves.

Why? Well, I seek perspective. I bask in differences. Differences define life, and experiences. I find beauty in those unlike me d am fascinated as to how we end up with different views, beliefs, ways of doing things. Instead of enhancing otherness or causing separation. Differences bring me closer to others. I become more curious and interested in knowing. Knowledge of the unknown moves me.

I’m left askance by those who use differences as basis for denigrating others. Many build their ethics and raise them up as mirror for others. I avoid such, the idea, the act, those who behave this way. They can cause such harm.

I must say, the older I get, the more vulnerable I’m becoming to imposition of ideas and ideals. I used to fight these but now I feel hurt by them, sensing cruelty, intent to harm. Why can’t we just beans let others do the same?

Worse, some take pleasure in what’s seen or not in the mirrors they erect! Dear God, may I not do the same!!!

 

PS: I love you more when we are apart! But I can’t tell whether I love you or am fascinated by who you are. I take joy in all that you do and are, but from afar. Maybe it’s me, you’re more beautiful in the prism of my mind than by touch. Beholding is what I do best. Lol #twarped #INTJ

It was but a dream!


only the hopeful loves
as sweet as poetry
and the unbroken so heartedly!
I was
once upon a lifetime,
both in one breath!
’till I tasted earth
In her bitterness,
withholding air.
In the abyss,
I bowed to her torment.
birthed in memories of long-drawn out wishes,
wrapped in grandiose designs
As if I could!
Innocence, poor tale bearer!
Awakened,
baptized in love,
when a fool believes, it would always last!

L. 08/28/15 20:41

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Volcano: Crash course to you!


It’s been close to five years,
nearly sixty months and so many days,
I’ll start singing, “seasons of love”.
As if you were part of a show
or an act in a theater of design.
Were you a show?

Or just a display
in a basket filled with wonderings,
pretty things,
tasty morsels
and colorful pots of poetry
inked in shades of effervescent minutes?
Whatever it was, whatever you were,
indescribable isn’t a chapter,
nor a statement.
How can I, a writer or so you’d call me,
pen you?
I’d be a fool,
not of the sea!
But of mind and spirit too!
How you knocked my senses!
Pushed my limits!
And ruptured my barriers!
You, the lava!
I, your burn!

I burned!

For you!

Erupting in places,
exposing dreams!
Bare!
Oh! the holey places I never realized or knew!

Now I’m nothing,
but carcass, ash!
Settled!
On a plateau of memories,
awaiting forgetfulness.
But you won’t let go!

The simmer in my veins,
dormant, yet alive!
So alive!

L. 08/12/15 12:39

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Between Cupid and kismet, there you were!


He says he wants to forget.
Me.
Like a bad taste in one’s mouth.

I take it as an admission; he has to work at forgetting.
Me.

So I smiled at his distaste.
At memory.
At him.
At us.
Who we were.
Who we are.
Who we’ve become.

We were something,
if only in my mind.
Something!
With someone!
If not the one!

He broke my heart.
Tasted blood.
That’s why he wants to forget.
Me.

If only I could do the same.
Erase his face.
Erase his smile.
Smear the lingering touches off my skin.
How he merged within.
Who I became with him.

He is.
With me.
On the sunrise through my blinds,
hint of twinkles in his eyes.
On the motion of the train,
how we first met!
On the sunset, by the Ocean,
his favorite place to clear his head.

How could I forget!
Or live with regret!
We met!

I loved.

I loved!

And forever, you’ll be with me!

L. 08/06/15

14:09