Shout out to all the men that stand!


IMG_4986

 

Difficult times define character.

I am a person stuck in details. The minutiae excite me. They do particularly when they are consistent. However, there are times, extraordinary instances, absent of consistency when details give me a feeling of warmth as well.

In these moments, I behold the men who saw not themselves, the slights of time but come through for the greater good. By coming through I speak about doing, not reaching. To these men, men weakened by pain caused by divorce, baby mama drama, losses that made them run away I will say I applaud you for showing up. It is never too late to DO what is right.

For doing, in doing, I want you to know, I see you. Some of us see you and thank you.

To the brother who left his job in a snow storm while going through a nasty divorce to go to the woman’s home to shovel the snow before the children got home with their mom. I see you!

To the brother whose baby mama refuses to let him see his kids despite having shared custody, yet sent his friends to board up her house and bring food for them during the hurricane, I see you.

To the brother who was so hurt his wife left him and took the house, the children and the money they had in the bank to be with his best friend, who stopped all contact thereafter yet manages to call before the hurricane to make sure the children need of nothing, to hear their little voices and reassure them he loves them. It’s a first step, keep it up. I see you. Keep trying!

To the brother who is not working but came to board up windows, install shutters because his kids live there although he can’t afford to pay his back child support. I see you.

To the brother who got the flashlight, rain coats, life vest, batteries, charcoal, a generator and dropped them off so his children will be without a thing during the storm. I see you.

To the man who loves you so much he had a generator delivered to your home so you’ll be okay in the storm, and thereafter, although he is not with you. I see you.

I acknowledge these men, sometimes at fault, mostly misunderstood who are growing into wisdom, learning what caring and love mean.

Love is putting the other before our pain.

There’s no greater love than loving your children. Protecting and providing are a part of love. You can’t use words like love and these two are missing in the equation. You don’t have to be rich to provide or physically strong to protect. Most of all, don’t do these for others, for ego or compliment. Do them because of love, because you love.

Even when your children have been trained not to love you, have heard disparaging things about you, when they grow up, they’ll start to understand all the ways you did show up. And the men who love and protect the one they love, not a child, but the one who has your heart even when you’re not together, when you show up in ways that provide and care, it means a lot.

It is men like you who lessen the mistrust I’ve developed regarding men. It’s men like you who have me believing that not all men are bad. Your actions matter. You matter to us, those you may not see or notice. Thank you, thank you! These things make you a good loving man.

IMG_4984

 

 

Advertisements

Break-up to make-up again and again


 

IMG_4974

 

INTJ here or inhuman, lacking emotion.

What’s at the root of differences, differing opinions? I can’t tell but they are vacuous and rampant.

Public displays of affection so prominent leave me askance, more when it comes to term. Despite my appreciation of love publicly claimed and I mean a deep appreciation of such, there’s a caveat. I hold the players responsible for the aftermath. It usually comes to roost.

Tell me nowadays how many people stay together till death and do so happily? Not many! Maybe that’s why I admire love, lovers, how they do, those who can show love, proudly, publicly, unashamed in the vitriol. It is not that there is anything to be ashamed about. They take pleasure in the other so much so they don’t mind letting the world know about it, it’s a beautiful thing.

There are some who are not as bold, they give hints that someone has touched them, that they’re loved and loving. They put out little notes, pictures taken lovingly, with a toe here or a finger there of the beloved, unsure whether to even hint they’re happy and loving or happily loved and they like it. Those are the cautious ones, the ones who realize how precious and precarious a state love is of late. Yet they can’t hide it and bask so subltly as only love you enjoy does. Love is a light. You can’t hold it down or ย cover it up. It leaks through everything ou come in contact with.

It’s like being on x. The thrill spills, unabashed.

And then there’s the kind of love, so deeply felt as some think that the lovers seem not to be able to part ways yet can’t seem to stick together for too long either. A wave and they fade away. A burn and they melt. They’re inconsistently loving and call it passion, Breaks occur ever so often once or more a year. This goes on and on and on, sometimes for decades. They’re addicted to each other they say, but what others see is an addiction to trouble and pain, a lack of growth and maturity, as well as lack of ownership of self, of time. Uhm, maybe not others, just me.

What the fuck is this all about? You’re over 30 (the beginning stage of grow the fuck up in my world, aka my head) and you waste years breaking up and making up over the same stupid shit or different little pieces of karkar!!! What are you getting out of this push and pull besides drama and trauma?!

I digress! My apologies dear friend (Mr, Robot, hint hint. If you know this I think I love you for the nerd you are, a piece of me.)!

Those lovers, so addicted to the chaos of each other, unwilling to let go, move the fuck on, will spend days on end sending hints about love lasting forever (psychopathy) and missing you subtleties…then one day one of them starts to date someone else (sexual needs demand it). How in the world can the other trust your love now? Here you were for years on social media, and to anyone you knew wallowing in longing so deep over someone you could never last long with like a yoyo and now you want us to believe this one is true or has a chance with you, that you’re able to rehabilitate?

Issues! (Love that song by the way). I got them aplenty. So here goes, when a man has spent years crying over pathological love and comes after me, I can’t trust you. Claiming someone as your love publicly means the world to me, especially coming from men, creatures with wandering lusts. For a man in my view to claim you in pictures and words is the ultimate connectedness and attachment. So no, unless that chick is ๐Ÿ’€ I know you’ll not be loving me better or as deeply and that chica will always have a hold on you and you may have not matured sufficiently to make her take several seats if we ever cross paths with her and she will know she had and will always have you like that, whooped and tied to her tatas and nanny. No other woman should have that much power over my man but me.

IMG_4975

Maybe this title should be “1 millionth reason why I’m still single.” Weirdo! That’s me! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜

๐Ÿคข

IMG_4969

On humanity and people gazing


 

IMG_4972At the root of all cruelty (violence, wars, abuses, crimes): humanity. It owes not faith, or loyalty to anything or anyone but self. . Humanity knows no boundaries than those erected by circumstance. Me!

Religion is not the root of evil, humans are. Let’s erase humans!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I enjoy watching people, how they behave, what they say. I do, because they’re fodder for my thoughts. I analyze people more than they probably spend time analyzing themselves.

Why? Well, I seek perspective. I bask in differences. Differences define life, and experiences. I find beauty in those unlike me d am fascinated as to how we end up with different views, beliefs, ways of doing things. Instead of enhancing otherness or causing separation. Differences bring me closer to others. I become more curious and interested in knowing. Knowledge of the unknown moves me.

I’m left askance by those who use differences as basis for denigrating others. Many build their ethics and raise them up as mirror for others. I avoid such, the idea, the act, those who behave this way. They can cause such harm.

I must say, the older I get, the more vulnerable I’m becoming to imposition of ideas and ideals. I used to fight these but now I feel hurt by them, sensing cruelty, intent to harm. Why can’t we just beans let others do the same?

Worse, some take pleasure in what’s seen or not in the mirrors they erect! Dear God, may I not do the same!!!

 

PS: I love you more when we are apart! But I can’t tell whether I love you or am fascinated by who you are. I take joy in all that you do and are, but from afar. Maybe it’s me, you’re more beautiful in the prism of my mind than by touch. Beholding is what I do best. Lol #twarped #INTJ

It was but a dream!


only the hopeful loves
as sweet as poetry
and the unbroken so heartedly!
I was
once upon a lifetime,
both in one breath!
’till I tasted earth
In her bitterness,
withholding air.
In the abyss,
I bowed to her torment.
birthed in memories of long-drawn out wishes,
wrapped in grandiose designs
As if I could!
Innocence, poor tale bearer!
Awakened,
baptized in love,
when a fool believes, it would always last!

L. 08/28/15 20:41

image

Volcano: Crash course to you!


It’s been close to five years,
nearly sixty months and so many days,
I’ll start singing, “seasons of love”.
As if you were part of a show
or an act in a theater of design.
Were you a show?

Or just a display
in a basket filled with wonderings,
pretty things,
tasty morsels
and colorful pots of poetry
inked in shades of effervescent minutes?
Whatever it was, whatever you were,
indescribable isn’t a chapter,
nor a statement.
How can I, a writer or so you’d call me,
pen you?
I’d be a fool,
not of the sea!
But of mind and spirit too!
How you knocked my senses!
Pushed my limits!
And ruptured my barriers!
You, the lava!
I, your burn!

I burned!

For you!

Erupting in places,
exposing dreams!
Bare!
Oh! the holey places I never realized or knew!

Now I’m nothing,
but carcass, ash!
Settled!
On a plateau of memories,
awaiting forgetfulness.
But you won’t let go!

The simmer in my veins,
dormant, yet alive!
So alive!

L. 08/12/15 12:39

image