It isn’t that I’m lonely as much as I’m alone. The weeks aren’t getting easier. I’m weakened by the effort of making the best of things so we may hot fall under. Yet, I’m counting the days in the back of my mind when freedom will open her arms.
No one understands, not even my mama who for a fact does love me, I’m burdened by duty. I’m tied by loyalty. I don’t want to fuck up. Not anymore. Not now. Not ever. I want to be free though.
Being practical the next recourse is a move for elevation. It kills me that I’m held back and down.
I spent the morning drowning in my tears, screaming to the skies and above. Someone asked if I’m okay.
Don’t do that! Who goes to a stranger sharing tales? Who does that, especially when you already know you’re a rare breed and no one will understand!!!!
On the bright side, I’m not analyzing what’s going on. I’m too busy drowning for thought. I find myself wishing karma exited though. But I know I’m just fooling myself into oblivion.
They called us addicts though we both know, it’s air. The air we breathe to receive when they’ve long settled less for. We’d inhale a release as we exhale to forget. Together, we were breath and you then took the easy route. An exit I’ve yet to follow.
Tell me why! We both know life rolls too fast as we go in slow and steady.
If I could wind back time I’d go to the days I did not know you. How you’d never know the great disturbance you are! I don’t enjoy weekends anymore. Now, I seek the days when my mind is at rest, as I burn the end of two candles.
What have you done of my senses? To bequeath what can’t be kept? Ignorance surely is bliss when bliss settles after your passing. Mondays can’t get here fast enough. There’s no living in waiting. Rest quickens thirst. The longing in my bosom, the swelling of my lids and the palm around my neck!!
What have you done!
PS: I miss what I don’t have as I learn to define what I value. Life is something, it gives the greatest joy but without knowledge. And then it takes it all away for you to learn its worth. (Don’t miss me when I’m gone!! A sweet refrain. If only I knew what I know now.)
Once an addict, always an addict, it’s the source that shifts!!!